What? I can hear your responses. No, jealousy is not a good thing. Jealousy is despicable. We shouldn’t want somebody else’s success or possessions. Wait! Hear me out.
We all grew up with those sentiments. It was really bad to want your sisters doll, it was even worse wanting your best friends boyfriend.
What if it was never about that particular doll or that boy? What if you also wanted a new doll? You just didn’t want to wait until your birthday to get your own. At that age, none of us knew that we wanted our own doll.
The only new doll in the house was your sisters, of course you wanted it. You didn’t know how to ask for one for yourself, nor did you have the patience to wait until your birthday. You wanted it, and you wanted it now.
You probably just took it.Then your sister would cry,tell your Mom, who returned the doll right away. You should be ashamed of yourself, for taking your sisters doll,she said. How many times in your life, were you told to be ashamed for wanting what someone else had? How many times were you told that you can’t just take what you want?
I have learned to look at this differently. Now when I notice feelings of jealousy, I become excited. Yes, excited. I see something that I would like to have for myself. I am aware now, I didn’t really want to be with my girlfriend’s boyfriend, I just wanted to have a boyfriend as well.
Does that sound familiar? When I feel jealous I start to ask myself questions. What do I want? What desire do I feel when I am jealous of someone’s promotion, long client list or success? Then I can figure out what I would like to have for myself.
I can also see if I want to pay the price, do the necessary work or decide that right now is not the right time. At this point I am happy for the person who I was jealous about. I appreciate the work, the commitment they had to put in. I also know for sure that I don’t want their doll. I know exactly what kind of doll I want and I can decide that I can get it for myself.
This is why I believe that jealousy is a good thing.